A “parental discretion is advised” warning flashes before Glee turned up the heat in “Sexy,” led by the affably game and comically cool substitute teacher Holly Holliday. It’s Gwyneth Paltrow, but mucho, mucho mas sexy.
Her second turn as the “I thought you’d never ask?” weirdo sub was infinitely better than her debut in the fall. Back then, she was a puzzle, a loony bin. Here, she’s sly and quick-witted, appropriately adult and seductively saucy in an episode that showcased more of her comedic timing, than her stiff dance skills. All the better for us.
Holly comes barging in the middle of a deep conversation between Will and Emma about the relatively unsuccessful bid to turn Emma’s chastity charms into trend wear. “It’s what keeps us safe. Dont’ be curious, until the honey moon, celibacy ladies!” Holly, subbing for the sex-ed teacher, says, nuh-uh, celibacy isn’t realistic and proper information won’t steal their innocence. And many are misinformed about sex, especially the kids in Glee (who may never be able to eat a cucumber again.)
Will and Holly devise a plan during jazzercise class to inject sex ed lessons into Glee class. With Joan Jett as muse, she demonstrates that babies don’t come from storks and you can’t get preggers in a hot tub in a ditty-on-the-dirty “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah).” Rocking in leather vest and boots, Holly gives them a climactic message with a smirk: “When you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they’ve had sex with. And … everybody’s got a random.” Kaching.
Meanwhile, the Dalton Academy Warblers try to sexify their routine for Regionals, egged on by an out-of-the-blue Coach Sue, who warns them that the judges are looking for the hotness. They managed to single-handedly ruin “Animal” by Neon Trees and made foam parties look like a baby’s bubble bath in a rehearsal meant to make the invited private-school ladies wild. Perhaps, it can’t be help that Kurt looked like Jar Jar Binks on acid, with those jerky moves and infantile facial expressions. Nobody taught him that sexy ain’t that.
Blaine tries to tell him all about gay sex, but Kurt doesn’t want to hear it, preferring to rely on Broadway musical romances as his shield. Blaine, good friend that he is, tells Kurt’s dad that his son is going to have some problems when sex creeps up on him during a wild party. Burt wises up and in a rare moment of candidness on the birds-and-the-bees (that’s all about the bees) talk, tells his son that sex is not so much about the physical, and much more about the emotional. “When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything. Use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t mater. ‘Cause you matter, Kurt.” How sweet is that?
Romance blooms with Will and Holly in a dance number under the solid guidance of Prince’s “Kiss,” remixed into gancho-fied tango. The strong holds, the slow cuts, the perfect swivel of hips and the lean-to’s were mesmerizingly seductive. He kisses her passionately.
It wasn’t only with them that feelings emerged. The Sweet Valley High sweethearts made drama. Santana, who’s anger has been misdiagnosed all this time, confesses her true emotions for Brittany in the only way she could express herself. With the help of Holly, they made Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” a dreamy, perfectly pitched power song of lesbian love. Unfortunately, Brittany rejects Santana, unable to leave Artie.
Emma and her Celibacy Club students, Quinn and Rachel, as well as Puck and her husband, Carl, turn Starland Vocal Band’s “Afternoon Delight” into a song about innocent pigging out. In homemade prairie dresses, Emma croons about a dessert break and claims that the song is all about cherry and apple pies, as these images flash in the background. She’s clearly clueless about sex, and needs an intervention. Carl gets her one, with Holly as intermediary. The result: Her marriage is a sham, though, since Emma and Carl haven’t done the deed yet. And she’s been married for four months. Holly asks her: “Are you still in love with Will Schuester?” Indeed, poor Emma, the 30-year-old virgin, is.
